Self-care has an image problem.Somewhere along the way it became synonymous with indulgence. The bath bomb, the chocolate, the permission slip to opt out of everything hard. A get out of jail free card dressed up as wellness.The problem with that version is what happens after. We emerge from the bubble bath and everything we were avoiding is still there. The chaos, the undone things, the quiet hum of a life slightly out of order. The indulgence did nothing to address what actually needed attending to.What self-care actually isAt its core, self-care is about identifying our unmet needs and doing what is required to meet them.That is a much less glamorous definition. It is also a more useful one.Sometimes the unmet need is rest. A long soak, a slow morning, an afternoon with a book and no obligations. Sometimes it is connection, nourishment, movement, or play.Sometimes it is loading the dishwasher before bed so the morning does not start in chaos. Putting the washing in the dryer before it gets damp and needs rewashing. Cooking the meal we do not feel like cooking because we know we will feel better for having eaten it.Not pretty. Not Instagram-worthy. Still self-care.When the hard thing is the kind thingThere is a particular satisfaction that comes from doing the thing we did not want to do and finding it was worth it. The yoga class we almost cancelled. The dinner we almost ordered in. The admin we finally cleared.The body and the nervous system respond to order, to completion, to having done the thing. Not always in the moment. Often only after.The indulgent version of self-care can actually compound the problem it is trying to solve. Avoiding the hard things feels like relief in the moment and leaves us more depleted than before.A more useful questionRather than asking what would feel good right now, try asking what actually needs attending to.What is draining resource? What has been sitting on the list long enough to be taking up space in the background? What would genuinely leave us feeling more resourced, not just temporarily relieved?Sometimes the answer is rest. Sometimes it is action. The Curious Observer helps us tell the difference. Not by prescribing what self-care should look like, but by helping us tune in to what we actually need rather than what we habitually reach for.If you want to explore more life enhancing choices, check out <a target="_blank" href="https://www.corestatecuration.com/blog/one-life-enhancing-choice-at-a-time/">One Life Enhancing Choice at a Time.</a>The bath is still allowed. The chocolate too. Just not as a substitute for the things that actually need doing.Alt text:A steaming cup photographed close, soft light and blur beyond it. The ordinary made still enough to notice.Photo by <a target="_blank" href="https://unsplash.com/@zugr?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText">Zugr</a> on <a target="_blank" href="https://unsplash.com/photos/close-up-photography-of-gray-metal-container-with-smoke-yZf1quatKCA?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a>

Self-care is not always indulgence. Sometimes it is doing the hard thing, and feeling better for it.

The Chores of Self-Care

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The Chores of Self-Care

The Chores of Self-Care

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